A Beautiful Moment Between Young Siblings... Almost

A Valuable Technique Regarding The Parenting Of Twin Toddlers: The Zone Defense

 For quite some time I knew nothing of this useful parental tactic.  Instead of running it, I went with more of a "corral method", in which I'd spend much of my time bent in half, hunched over awkwardly -- uncomfortably, keeping my miniature herd of offspring in the same locale as they struggled to break free.

Upon one of those rare occasions wherein my wife and I were lucky enough to simultaneously occupy the same space, she saw this flawed technique in action.  This is when she gave me this special gift, one holding so much importance, that it cannot be  accurately measured.  It was then, in that moment, that she taught me the parenting tool that she had dubbed: "the zone defense."      

The first step is to simply take a few steps away from the rambunctious duo.  This alone does wonders.  No longer sensing the oppressive attention you give (apparently so much fun to rally against) the toddlers now become calm, almost immediately, and their actions slow.  From this removed vantage point, where you now find yourself, you can carefully watch as it all unfolds.  Like in boxing, with twin toddler zone defensing, your footwork is entirely crucial for success.  It will feel odd at first, but as they separate further from one another, you must actually backpedal, putting more distance between yourself and them (don't worry you're swift and fast -- far more so than they could ever be).  With the entire scene in view, it should become clear which of the children is more in need of your immediate attention.  Admittedly, this last bit does take a little bit of practice.  We can look at an example from my life that occurred this very afternoon, if you think this could prove helpful.

I had been in the bathroom for approximately thirty-nine seconds and upon exiting, found my house far too quiet.  I could hear Dylan, my four year old, quietly talking to his imaginary friend, Kai-lan from somewhere behind me, so I knew he was not involved.  I then heard the whisper, reaching my ears from within: "zone defense," it hissed.  Taking a step back, I saw both my adorable terrors from the hallway where I stood.  Kieran was in the kitchen, dutifully feeding my cat's litter box Star Wars men, while Mason had made his way atop my dining room table, as he stood smiling triumphantly.  Now, while the idea of my youngest child, (youngest, by three minutes) handling cat feces was far from appealing, Mason standing on the table was as dangerous as if an adult, say your Uncle Frank, was drunkenly stammering about the roof of a ranch-style house, in the final hour of a Fourth of July barbecue.  Naturally, I first dashed to Mason, scooping him up in one arm, and then onward to the kitchen, where with my free arm I hooked Kieran around his waist.  Then, I ran a tub.  Zone defense!

I sincerely hope I was able to provide some help here.  Even if I reached just one other person with my new knowledge of "the zone defense", I consider this a smashing success.



Please check back for more twin toddler parenting tips including: "Accept It: They Enjoy Beating The Crap Out Of Each Other", and "Creative Ways To Silently Insert Obscenities Into Your Kids' T.V. Songs: Entertaining Yourself, Staying Sane And Remaining Grown-Up."